Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
