At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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