So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
