I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
