Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
