It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
