i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
