i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
