I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
