awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i believe in u and ur pee
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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