Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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