I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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