It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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