what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
