it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
