Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's just like the Real World with babies
He passed out mid-signature
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
