took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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