I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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