i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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