Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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