Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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