the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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