Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
