I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
