Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
