Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
