Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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