Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
