I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
