he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
