Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
