my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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