I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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