hotel room ftw
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
