Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
