sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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