The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
