I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my poor anus
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
