Me. At least after what I've been through.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
