so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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