Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
