Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
