I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
