Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
