I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
