im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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