Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
