New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
