Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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