I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
