I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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