i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
