dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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