I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
