More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I look better un-naked...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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