Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Then you guys just all showered together...?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
