The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
