my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
