Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
