right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
