I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
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It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
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Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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