OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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