Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
