Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize