; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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