PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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