I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
