He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
