there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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