Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
