He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
