She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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