he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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