I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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