At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
