i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
