I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
